Arghhh! It really chaps my ass when insolent fools splatter my Question and Answer Board with insincere questions. I mean, come on people, I live in a god-damned hole in the side of the mountain; I barely even care enough to answer the few good questions I get; you can consider yourselves lucky when I don’t just take all the letters I get in the mail and use them as a crotch lining for my soiled loin cloth. To put things in perspective for you, let’s imagine a glimmering porcelain toilet, a brilliant dirty-white color. That toilet represents TheGronk.com as you know it. It is the fertile planting pot for the wisdom and insight you may have come to expect from TheGronk’s writers. Alas, the toilet has feelings, just like any other toilet. One component of those feelings is a strong lack of appreciation for people like John "Jittles" Oldfield. John, who, metaphorically speaking, likes to constantly bombard TheGronk.com with his big steaming clumps of defecation he refers to as humor, deserves to me mauled to death my pet Sherpa Haj-Bob. However, I will kindly disregard all of this, and, for the first time ever in the history of thegronk.com, answer a question; The one question that appears to be John's one and only decent question.
John writes:
Dear Angry Tibetan Monk,
Where is Tibet?
Dear John,
I hate unemployed people. The reason I bring this up is because you clearly don’t have a job if you are sitting at home all day wondering where the hell Tibet is. I wish you knew where Tibet was so you could come here, and then I could beat your lily ass with my Tibetan Style Monk-Fu.
Here is what I recommend that you do to locate Tibet:
Step 1. You’ll need a sizable group of people, so find as many people as you can that are as intelligent as you are. (This may be difficult; I suggest that you check either in 7-11 stores, or for anyone who may be living in the dumpsters behind 7-11.)
Step 2. Split the cost of a boat (preferably or leaky one) with your companions, and set sail for the center of the Atlantic ocean. If you get lost, just remember that the Atlantic Ocean is located directly above the earth, which I'm told is somewhere near the sun.
Step 3. At this point you've probably realized that the Atlantic Ocean is nowhere near Tibet. So pretty much you are now stranded, as well as being hopelessly lost. There is a sudden realization that you should have thought twice about messing with the Angry Tibetan Monk, John Oldfied.
Step 4. Occurring almost instantaneously with your sudden fears, the boat explodes in a fiery blaze. Your charred corpses sink to the bottom of the Atlantic ocean where you can never bother the monk again, and the monk laughs at the thought of how inexpensive the explosive devices he planted on your boat were.
Piss Off.
The Angry Tibetan Monk