Good god airports suck. This is a well known fact, but in all seriousness, I hate them.
Time: 12:30 am
Place: Anchorage, Alaska International Airport.
Report:
On thursday, with my other ...."Gronkonians"....... I graduated from shit hole high. Also known as high school. As always relatives like to come and watch you walk across that stage so you can get that stupid piece pf paper which you have worked for 12 years to achieve. So im standing at the security gate with my brother awaiting the arrival of my father at the airport. Thanks to those fucks " the terrorist's," we could not go to my fathers gate, we had to sit by the metal detectors. On a side note, if I ever see a terrorist im going to kick them in the balls for keeping me next to the metal detector for an hour. Anyways, since i had consumed several sodas that day naturally my bladder filled with a fluid known as urine. So what did I do? I took a piss. Now the point of my story begins.......
I walk up to the door of the bathroom. I can hear the echoing, yet blurred and unrecognizable tones of human communication. I also hear running water. Not water that you hear from a water fountain, or from a sink, but from a shower.
"Oh how nice, someone is taking advantage of the airports new shower system," was what I thought first.
But like a wall of reality, I realized there are no showers in this bathroom. I became very suspicious of this setting, yet continued in seeing how I was about to piss my pants. I wandered into the bathroom, and noticed that the sound of the water got louder and louder, and sounded exactly like that of a shower. I proceeded to the urinal, but before I could reach it, I noticed there was a man BUTT ASS NAKED using the sink as a shower. I glanced at him for about .0004 seconds, and then the severity of the situation slapped me in the mouth. And it HURT bad. There was no turning back, fuck no, not today thank you kindly. I was in this for the long haul. If I turned back, it would look like I was afraid of naked men. Which I was, and am for that matter. But I couldn't let him know that. That's the kind of shit these freaks live off of. So I swallowed my terror and continued to the closest urinal. I became afraid that terror wouldn't be the only thing I would be swallowing that night. By now I had noticed that inside the ring of guys who were walking around also pretending not to see or be afraid of "Mr. Naked", there was another man watching and laughing. He found his friends antics to be hilarious. And I have a feeling that had I left, he would have assumed his friend had won, and it just would have fed both of them. Fuck that.
I unzipped and let it fly. Forcing the piss out at 24 psi. You could have used it for a nail gun I was pissing with so much pressure. I could hear the water behind me. I Clenched my butt checks together so tight i was afraid they would fuse. Better safe then ass rapped I always say. I watched the shiny metal part on the stall next to me, waiting to see the reflection of a quick motion of a charging naked man. Almost done. Butt checks still clenched, sweat was now forming on my brow. I was sure the wild naked beast would smell it. I finished and zipped up. I then slowly with a side dish of speed walked out of the bathroom. I had won, take THAT naked man, you don't scare me. As I left I heard the insane laugh of his friend, both I assume were Hungarian cause they spoke a language I didn't understand.
Whats the moral of the story? Always tip your waiter.